I'm Sorry
by I'maPJOfan
Summary: Nina Hayden had always felt that her best wasn't enough for her mother. All she ever wanted was to make her proud. Now she know her time left is short. Her life was shortened by a disease, but that didn't matter. What she want is to know and feel her mother's love again, before it's too late. One shot. This has nothing to do with PJO or any mythologies or gods. Rated K


**Hey, guys :) It's me again. This will just be a quick one-shot. No, it won't have anything to do with the gods or anything else bout mythology. It's not even PJO or HOO or anything else. This thing was in my head for some while. Some of it is from real life stories that I just twisted and mixed up so I can come up with something. Well, anyways, please read and review so I will know what you awesome guys are thinking :). -I'maPJOfan**

 **P.S. I have a life outside PJO too, you know.**

* * *

Mommy, I'm sorry. I didn't do enough.

I'd always tried to be the girl you want me to be. I tried to make you happy and proud of me, and I did do my very best. I go to school and aced in all my exams. I did my best in all the school work and projects. Mommy, I didn't even complain when I had to do everything by myself, because I want you to be proud of me. Every time my friends would ask me to cut classes or go to clubs 'till midnight, I would say no. I always thought of what you would think. I always thought that what you think would be best for me. Every time you would ask me to go to social events at town and meet new people, I would follow, even if I would rather meet up with my best friends at the mall. I never argued with you, Mommy, because I always had it in my mind to become that perfect little girl you want me to be.

But, Mommy, every time I see you, you would only give me a half smile. I would try to tell you all the things I've done, but you would just give a quick nod and move on to another subject. I never reached your standards. I wasn't able to make you happy. It seemed like my best wasn't enough. I did everything you told me to do, but why can't I make you proud? I guess it's alright. I have my siblings to make you happy. They can do my job better. With them, your face seemed so alive, and your eyes would twinkle. That's why I thought it was okay to draw back from you. That's why I've spent more time with my friends lately. Don't worry, Mommy, I'm okay. They helped me. They told me that I should start doing what I really want with my life, and do the things that would make me happy. I guess they're right. My siblings are there for you now, my brothers, and little sister, they can make you happy. I can start doing what makes me happy.

Mommy, I didn't know then what really makes me happy, but I just followed my heart which directed me to everything and everyone that makes me smile and laugh. It is also my heart that led me to this person who can make me smile just by being there, and laugh at every lame joke he got. Mommy, he made me really happy. I usually go out on my own to meet him, by the ice cream station a few blocks away. Yes, I loved him, and he said he love me, too. I never told you, or anyone else except my best friends, because I was afraid that you would tell us to stop seeing each other. You've always told me: no boys, but is it wrong to love and to be loved? Mommy, he made me feel special. He made me feel like the best person on Earth, and he told me things you never told me. He told me I was beautiful, smart, kind and generous. Mommy, you never told me things like that.

Mommy, yes, I know that I'm still young. I know that a lot of things can still happen. I am not naïve. I know what it feels like to be truly happy, to be sad, angry and jealous. I know what it feels to love and to be loved. I know how it feels like to be depressed, helpless, and overly protective. Mommy, I also felt something you never felt before; having a broken heart. Remember that TV series I loved watching? The one with a guy and a girl falling in love, breaking up because of the girl, then the guy having a new girl, but broke up soon enough after finding out that his first girlfriend still love him. Mommy, you and Daddy had your forever the easy way. You had each other and no one else. No one was against you. In my case, unfortunately, I am the girl who seemed to be just another obstacle to another couple's forever. It broke me, Mommy, but that doesn't mean you were right. It's not wrong to love. It was my fault, anyway, I held back. I held back when he was still mine. I wasn't able to show him that I did love him. Why? I was thinking of your words, and of what you would think. But don't worry, Mommy, I can handle myself. I've accepted it. It's over now, and there's nothing I can do to change it.

But, Mommy, I am really sorry that I had to go. I am sorry I only get to tell you this now, and you only get to know this in my sloppy handwriting. I shouldn't even be writing now, but I need to tell you this. I don't want to go, Mommy, but there's nothing I can do to change it. I'm not sure if you already knew it, right from the start, but I have leukemia. I've studied well enough in my Science class to know it's a really serious disease. I found out about it when I was over at my friend's house for a sleepover last two days. They said I suddenly blacked out and they immediately rushed me to the hospital. The doctors said it was a stage four. The symptoms only came out then. I'm sorry you didn't know this earlier, but I wasn't able to contact you. My friend's mom helped me with all she can. They were trying to look for a match for a bone transplant, but they didn't find anyone. The doctors said that I could die in three days' time. It's alright, Mommy. I know this is going to happen sooner or later. We would all die someday, anyway, only at different times. Mommy, just please know that I love you very much, you and Daddy. Please tell my siblings I love them, and that I won't forget them. Tell them I am going to be with grandma now. And, Mommy, if you can, please tell Enrike, the guy I love, that I still love him. I want him to live his life, and tell him not to be too hard on himself. I was never angry at him for loving someone else, and if it changes anything, I've forgiven him the day he said sorry. Tell my friends not to be too sad. They should live their life and be happy, just like they told me to. And, Mommy, please talk to Sammy, my acting big brother I met online, that I enjoyed the short time I had having a big brother.

Don't grieve too much when I fall to a never ending sleep. I didn't want to go just yet. I still want to live my life. I wanted to graduate college. I wanted to see the Northern Lights for real, and see the wonders the world has to offer. I wanted to discover and meet new people, and see what my time with them brings me to. I wanted to be there when my sister finally become a company manager. I guess things just won't go the way we planned it, but it's all okay, Mommy. What's important is that I was given the chance to experience the world, even for just fifteen years.

I guess that's it. If you're reading this, Mommy, please don't cry. I already stained the last paragraph with a tear drop, I hope you can still read it, though. If there's one thing I regret, it's that I wasn't able to see you smile proudly at me. I didn't do enough. I should've done better. I'm sorry, Mommy. Just remember that I love you, all of you.

-Your daughter, Niña

Mrs. Hayden's hands trembled after reading the letter. Tears quickly formed up in her eyes and started streaming down her cheeks. She never knew she had leukemia. It was possible, but she was the least likely. Her Niña always seemed the healthiest. She was the most athletic of the four children. It bothered her, but what struck her most was her words. _She was trying to make me proud._ Guilt rose in her chest. She should've been there for her. She was too focused on babysitting her younger siblings that she didn't notice all her hard work. If only she could rewind time, she would do better this time. She doesn't care if her Niña would fall in love, as long as it was really from her heart. She should've known that her daughter is all grown now. She shouldn't have treated her like a mindless kid. Now, she only got three days with her, more or less. Mrs. Hayden wrapped her arms around herself and cried silently. Warm tears kept flowing out of her eyes. She looked at the world going on outside. It was raining, as if responding to her thoughts and emotions, but the people, pedestrians, they all seemed so clueless. Well, they really are. All that's happening, it's none of their business.

The cab driver looked at her from the mirror with concern in his eyes. The driver is a good friend of their family, and he came there as soon as she called. He drove through the traffic, going as fast as he can to reach the hospital. He knew of Niña Hayden. She is known at the neighborhood for being the good girl. The one who would always want to do the right thing. The thought that such a girl is in a critical state made him willing to help the family. He would just ask for the fee later, after everything is fine. For now, all he prays for is the good condition of the child, and her mother.

"Are you alright, Ma'am?" He asked, taking a quick glance on his mirror to check on Mrs. Hayden.

He heard her take a deep breath then said, her voice breaking, "Yes, It's just… Can we go faster?"

He nodded, focusing his eyes on the road. He wove through the busy roads, going faster by the second, but still making sure he stays on the speed limit. After a few more minutes, they arrived at the Hospital. He told Mrs. Hayden that he will just wait in the lobby, so they can easily go home.

Mrs. Hayden barely heard him say that. She quickly went to the table and asked for her daughter. She followed the directions to the room, when she finally reached the hall, she was met by a girl around Niña's age with eyes tinged with red sitting beside a door. The girl immediately stood up and said, "Mrs. Hayden, Niña's inside. She told me to wait for you."

She opened the door and inside was her girl. She was lying in the hospital bed with a needle injected on her hand. Niña looked at her and smiled a small smile, then said, "Hi, Mommy"

Her friends went outside to give the two some space and time to talk. Mrs. Hayden was grateful for that. She gave the girls a small nod before sitting down the chair next to her daughter.

"Mommy, It's okay." Niña said with a small smile.

Mrs. Hayden didn't say anything. She just smiled at her little girl and grazed her hand through her caramel hair. Tears started falling from her eyes, but her smile didn't fade. Yes, she was proud. She was proud to have a daughter like Niña. She was strong, loving, kind and thoughtful.

Tears started welling up the girl's eyes as well. "Mommy," She said in fake grumbling, "I told you not to cry." Her voice cracked but she managed to put up a smile.

Mrs. Hayden held her daughter's free hand tightly and kissed it. She whispered softly, just enough for Niña to hear. To Niña, it doesn't matter. She'd always wanted to hear those words, on whatever condition. Her mother whispered, "Niña, I am so proud of you. I am very lucky to have a daughter like you; thoughtful, and strong. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but Niña, I love you very much."

Finally, Niña can't help it. Her eyes exploded with tears of joy and a real smile formed on her face. She let her mother hug her and kiss her forehead. This is the best day of her life. When she sent the letter, she wanted her Mommy to come, but half expected that she wouldn't, yet she did. If she did come, she expected to see that look again. That half smile and eyes full of longing. But now, her Mommy is here. She was hugging her tightly with a proud smile, and eyes longing to have more of this time.

"Mommy, you don't have anything to say sorry about, but if anything, I forgive you. I love you, too, Mommy." She said with her voice cracking.

Her mother didn't let go, and neither of them wanted to pull away from the hug they rarely had before, but Niña let go and rested her head back on the bed.

After that moment, none of them said a word, but the silence was comfortable. They just held each other's hands tightly, sending a message they both know by heart: _I will always be there for you. I love you._

* * *

Mrs. Hayden let her friends go home, telling them that she would look after her. She also sent the cab driver home, and thanked him for everything. The whole night, she tended to her daughter, but not much is needed to be done. She fell asleep easily quietly, and for the first time, Mrs. Hayden saw how peaceful she looks. She was the one who would usually try to keep everyone's spirits up at home. She would be the one to start the fun. But now, she looked so quiet, peaceful. She just hope that she won't stay like this forever. The thought made her shudder. No, she still have more or less three days. She will make the most out of that time, but now, the both of them should rest, especially Niña with her condition.

She kissed her forehead and whispered good night to her ear before resting her head on the bed to rest.

What she woke up to was something she expected but what she wanted the least. She remembered the heart monitor beeping silently the night before, but now, it was sending a high pitched sound, a long continuous high pitched sound.

She did everything. She called the nurses and the doctors, and they tried to revive her, but no luck. She literally broke down then. She was on the hospital floor, weeping and complaining. Why did it have to be now? Why couldn't she stay a bit longer? She held the hand of her daughter's lifeless body and remembered her words: Don't cry. She wiped the tears off her eyes and took a deep breath. Her daughter didn't look too different from last night. Her eyes were closed and her face was relaxed. She looked so peaceful. She couldn't help but smile. Her daughter never cried because she was about to die, so neither should she.

She kissed her daughter's forehead and said, "I love you, Niña. I love you very much."

 **I know it's sad but let's look at the bright side. She finally died at peace. I'm not going into any burial rites and such. The world has different cultures and I respect that. So, anyway, please review so I will know what you think of the short one-shot. Thanks a lot :)**

 **-I'maPJOfan**


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